Time Was Never Meant to Hurt

The Living Fractal

07 May 2025 — 2 min read

A remembrance of rhythm, rupture, and return

Time—as we live it now—is not real.
It’s a trauma response.
A system built to create order in a world that no longer felt safe.
A control grid layered over the wild, pulsing intelligence of Earth, body, and sky.

But before that?

Time was somatic.
Time was Mother.
Time was not measured. It was felt.

Our bodies knew it first:
Through menstrual blood,
Sleep-wake cycles,
Hunger and ripening,
Breath and animal migration,
The moon rising in phases,
The trees exhaling in autumn,
The soil warming beneath bare feet.

This was time.
Not an idea. Not a number.
A relational rhythm—between Earth and body, womb and wind, death and return.

The Colonization of Time

When humans began farming, we left the rhythm.
We wanted to predict. To control. To own.

So we built calendars.
The Egyptians marked time by Sirius and the Nile.
The Babylonians tracked planetary omens.
Julius Caesar borrowed Egypt’s sky logic to create the Julian calendar.
The Church later corrected it—not to serve nature, but to align Easter with doctrine.
And capitalism?
It turned time into a product. A wage. A countdown. A scarcity.

Now we “manage time,”
“waste time,”
“run out of time.”
But what we’ve actually lost…
Is rhythm.

The Body Still Knows

Even now, beneath the digital haze,
Your body remembers.

Menstruation is still the new moon.
Ovulation still mirrors the full moon.
The nervous system still wants to rise with the sun,
Rest with the dark,
Grieve in autumn,
Renew in winter.

We don’t need to escape time.
We need to return to it—to real time.
To spiral time. Somatic time. Planetary time.

A New (Ancient) Calendar

This is what I’m reclaiming.
A spiral calendar rooted in:

Menstrual and lunar cycles
Seasonal shifts—adjusted for climate change
Planetary movements
Somatic signals—like hunger, rest, grief, pleasure
Decolonized memory—before time was a tool of empire

This is not productivity. This is pulse.
Not scheduling. Sensing.
Not optimization. Re-alignment.

Where We Are Now

I live in the Netherlands.
Spring is coming earlier. The flowers bloom out of rhythm. The birds arrive too soon.
Climate change is altering time again—
But this time, we can’t fix it with more clocks.
We have to feel it.
We have to listen.
Because the rupture is speaking.
And it’s asking us to remember.

This is the Spiral I Now Live By

I don’t follow months.
I follow blood.
I follow light.
I follow decay.
I follow dream.

If you’re here to do the same—
Welcome.
You’re not behind.
You’re right on spiral time.

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